I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Did I show you my penis last night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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