Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
