I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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