i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
