I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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