WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
