its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
