It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
