I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
