so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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