4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
