I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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