the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
