did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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