Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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