I seem to have left my pride at pride
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
