u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
