Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
