someone threw a dead crab at me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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