My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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