I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
