Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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