Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
