The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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