The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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