The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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