i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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