you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
