Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
