They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
