Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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