..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
