I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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