Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
