Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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