upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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