i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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