Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
