After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
