i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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