This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
