so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
