u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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