We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
