i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she smelled like a LAN party
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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