Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
