I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
