So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
