I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
