Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My balls are so social today.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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