Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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