i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
