i already hear my dad disowning me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
