i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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